Why you should never clean your house

This post is dedicated to those who think cleaning the house on the weekend is a good idea.  I have three pieces of advice for you: 

1. Don’t do it.

And if you ignore point 1:

2. Keep or toss.

3. Injuries await you.  

The Mister and I went to town this weekend on the cleaning duties. Don’t be jealous, our life is THAT exciting.   I’m talking OTT cleaning; cleaning on steroids.  It wasn’t just the stack-the-dishwasher, do-the-laundry weekend type chores {although like clockwork they always make an appearance}.  No, this was a ruthless-no-holes-barred clean out out of Mr O’s toys. Next level cleaning. 

It turns out that in just over three years we’ve accumulated A LOT of crap. Kids crap that just sits and taunts me most days: “yes, I’m all over the floor again,” “look at me, 100 blocks spread out in 100 different locations” and the worst, “I am the most useless $74.99 you ever spent”.

I knew we had a lot of stuff but I just kinda became accustomed or oblivious to it. Learned to look past it.  We ended that this weekend. 

It all started at 9pm on Saturday night {again, don’t be jealous} after Mr O was asleep and we had procrastinated long enough to get started.  

Therein became the game that we called: keep or toss. You should totally try it. It involves walking around your house at night, with your partner, each holding a heavy duty garbage bag and asking repeatedly and while holding random items in your hands: “keep or toss?”. Broken chalk? Toss.  Fire engines with missing wheels?  Toss. That $74.99 plastic piece of taunting crap? Toss.  Artwork? Keep. 

We basically stuck to four key rules:

Toss if:

  • It hasn’t been touched in 6 months.
  • Parts are missing or broken.

Keep if:

  • It’s sentimental to you or them.
  • You’ve run out of bags.

A couple of hours later we had a bin full of crap and bags full for charity. #winning. Plus our house looked a bit more like our house of old.  The house we had before kids. 

The next morning, spurred on by our winning ways the night before, we decided to spruce up the main living areas with a bit of new wall art and the back yard with a bit of gardening and furniture re-arrange. 

This is where we went wrong.  And why cleaning is not a good idea.  Especially on a Sunday morning when you’ve got a slight headache, getting sunstroke in the garden and need to be at lunch in about 4 hours. 

You see, a bird flew straight into our back glass doors on Sunday night.  The whole rear of our home is glass and we’ve never had a bird problem before {having lived here for three years} but I think we’d cleaned the windows too much that morning the poor thing couldn’t see.  Either that or it was admiring our new art print wall and was thinking of coming in for a closer look.

It was a huge thud, followed by a huge flurry of feathers, followed by me in a huge flap. I did what I thought was right: I ran outside with a towel.  Good to know if ever there was an emergency I would at least have the prescence of mind to do that. A towel! 

The bird was a baby New Holland honeyeater {I think, and yes I googled that} and luckily was just a bit concussed {I also think because I am no more a bird connoisseur than a vet or New Holland honeyeater whisperer}. 
Mum and Dad honeyeater were flapping around behind me {who too was still also flapping, but with the towel felt somewhat capable}.  

Baby honeyeater totally jumped onto my outstretched hand and using my finger as a perch I’d love to say it looked at me and tweeted “thanks, I’m ok” and then flew off,  but in fact it just did the latter, as did Mum and Dad.  

Morale of the story:  birds are snobs and you could avoid them and this whole awkward encounter if you leave your windows dirty.  Keep or toss

What did you get up to this weekend?  I’d love to say hello! Leave me a comment here on the blog, or over on Facebook or Instagram


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