What happens when you find a man in the ladies toilet?

Hey ladies! 

Hands up if you wanna go to the loo?

Great! I’ll come with you.

Ever since I was old enough to go out, I’ve gone to the loo with another girl. I actually don’t know why, it’s just the done thing right?

First it was at the movies, then at nightclubs, then concerts, then restaurants, then bars. Even these days I rarely go to the loo solo but that’s because I often have Mr O trailing me, although, come on, not in nightclubs; he’s clearly not old enough for that, right!?

Anyway, last night I was out at a bar in the city for dinner {at NIGHT, yes, I know, I was out at night!} and so came the inevitable loo break run, this time with my friend Shannon.

Dinner was actually with five girlfriends. We’re in a book club together. I use that term very loosely because when we catch up there is very little book discussion and a lot of booze and gossip. It’s a booze and gossip club masquerading as a book club in the complete absence of books. 

I actually almost didn’t go out because I have been unwell all week with a summer cold and hacking cough that just won’t quit.  But, seeing as I don’t go out very much these days at NIGHT, I did.

So, here we are, at the loos. These loos actually.  Babes on the right. Kings on the left. Pay close attention to that wall. It makes a starting role inside too.  

We were talking about important stuff in there: sex. Sex toys in fact.  {yes boys, us girls really do talk about that stuff when we’re together!} There was a lot of laughter in between those cubicle walls.  

I was washing my hands {and my metaphorical mind} and then had a coughing fit, brought on by the laughter. Remember the hacking cough I told you I’d been carrying all week? Not wanting to feel left out, it came to the loo too. I guess it must also be a girl.

Bloody hell, you’re coughing up a lung,” my friend said as she washed her hands and watched me slowly dying there at the vanity.

I nodded. Purely because I couldn’t speak. Composing myself as Shannon dried her hands, a strange thing happened.  The vanity taps turned back on. Water started running back into the sink which made us stop talking about sex and look at what was happening in front of us.

And then we saw a hand. A man’s hand. Two hands actually. Washing at the vanity just as we just did.  The hands then deposited the paper towel in the bin, almost touching my hand in the process, then they adjusted his shirt and pants, preened a bit in front of the mirror and then, with the rest of his male body, walked out.  

We saw all this because, unbeknownst to us, the Babes and Kings shared a double-sided vanity in the loo.  Remember that wall?  That’s the vanity inside and turns out it has a MASSIVE GAPING HOLE cut into it above the sink trough, so it’s open to both men and women, TOGETHER, in the toilet.

Man’s hands!


Now I’m pretty liberal when it comes to new things, design trends, creativity, pushing the boundaries. I get it.  I just didn’t know that thinking had gone down the S bend literally.

So, if you’re ever in a situation like this, in a toilet, where a man one metre away, who might not be able to see your face but can hear everything you’ve said and can see what you’re wearing in the all-important stomach-to-crotch area, this is what you should do {I know because it’s what we did and I think worked}:

  • Silent scream at your girlfriend and flap your arms while jumping on the spot and pointing trough the gap at the stranger.
  • Sign language to your friend asking “do you think he heard us?
  • Stare at the opening and then back at your girlfriend and then at the opening again, each time with your mouth a little more open as shock sets in.
  • Take some photos because having your phone in the loo is totally normal behaviour right? {and you know you’ll be blogging it the day after, a bit like a bad hangover}.
  • Remember what his stomach-to-crotch area was wearing because you don’t want to see it again.
  • Wait till he walks out and then follow but head in the opposite direction so he can’t see you.
  • Tell your other three girlfriends to go into the toilets to experience the weirdness themselves and then debrief some more.

I’m glad I can laugh about it now. Although typing this it also has me in fits of coughing too!

What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you in the loos?


2 thoughts on “What happens when you find a man in the ladies toilet?

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