What would you be if you weren’t a mum?

When I was pregnant, I heard that becoming a mum meant losing your identity because it’s just not about you anymore. I was equal parts cool with that and also on a mission to debunk that myth.

I’m still a person,” I thought. “I’m still me.” Sure, I might be a tired, messy and mummified version of me but I am still in there, somewhere.

Truth is over the last four years I have kinda forgotten about debunking the myth and, as a result, kinda forgotten who I am. Turns out, it is all about Mr O. These days I’m a bit of a distant second. Third,  actually, if you put my husband into the mix and fourth, if I put my work in there too.  At this rate, I won’t even find myself in the top 10 by the time Mr O starts school full time.

And, you know, I’m actually cool with that.  I’m happy if Mr O is happy and if my husband is happy and my work is going well. Fourth, I can live with fourth.

But it has got me thinking in the lead up to my fourth Mother’s Day next week, what would I be if I wasn’t a mum?  I’m asking because I actually can’t remember my life before I had kids. How would I define myself? How would I identify to people I’d just met?  What would my life be like?  Would it be like it was before? Would it be better? Worse?

  1. Would I be a traveller?
  2. Would I ever get to stay in that over-water bungalow?
  3. Would I plan a holiday that involved JUST. DOING. NOTHING?
  4. Would I sleep in till midday?
  5. Would I sleep through the night?
  6. Would I wake up at 5am regardless of what time I went to bed and without an alarm?
  7. Would I be out at midnight on Friday, Saturday nights? School nights even?
  8. Would I ever go out to more than just the shops, the park, the school drop off and pick up?
  9. Would I spend my Sunday afternoons at the session and then paying for it at work on Monday and then all the next week waiting for payday?
  10. Would I know where all the latest bars are?
  11. Would I watch what I wanted on TV instead of Fireman Sam, Peppa Pig and Peter Rabbit?
  12. Would I be able to stay up past 9.30pm just to watch a movie?  Would I even know what a grown up movie is anymore?
  13. Would I still have a nice house? A tidy house?  Would it feel lived in?
  14. Would I wake up to find Elmo, fire trucks or blocks in my bed?
  15. Would I pick up the same toys each morning and then each night? Day after day after day?
  16. Would I sit in parks watching and climbing and running around?
  17. Would I slide down slides at least once a week? Jump on the swings?
  18. Would I be addicted to coffee?
  19. Would I look tired?
  20. Would I be so tired that I’d forget what normal feels like?
  21. Would I recognise the person staring back at me in the mirror each morning as I get ready?
  22. Would I clean up red paint off my kitchen floor before leaving for work?
  23. Would I change my outfit three times before leaving the house because it got kid-ified?
  24. Would I feel like I’ve lived an entire day before even walking into my office each morning?
  25. Would I get that promotion?
  26. Would I have pretty much the same thing for dinner each night, every week? {Tonight it’s roast pork, roast veggies and corn}
  27. Would I find myself repeating myself all the time “put your shoes on, because I said so, do it now“?
  28. Would I find myself smiling at other mothers as we make eye contact, that knowing smile?
  29. Would I sing along to what’s in the charts or the theme song to Fireman Sam, Peppa Pig and Peter Rabbit?
  30. Would I talk about current events instead of school lunch box ideas?
  31. Would I always feel rushed?
  32. Would I feel guilty?  Guilty for working too much, or too little?
  33. Would I shower alone? Go to the loo without a witness?
  34. Would it take me over an hour to leave the house despite only taking 10 minutes to myself to get ready?
  35. Would I wear my hair pulled back for the third day in a row because I just can’t be assed washing it or have run out of time for ME TIME?
  36. Would I buy myself new clothes or just recycle my fave work dresses week-on-week and then my mum uniform on my days off?
  37. Would I use my money spent on school fees and day care and kid stuff, all the thousands of dollars of kid stuff, on any stuff for me?
  38. Would I still have the same friends? My pre-kid friends?
  39. Would I have found new friends? My mum friends?
  40. Would I be happy? WOULD. I?

Make no mistake, mum life is hands down the best thing that’s happened to me in the last four years but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss parts of my old life too. Well, maybe not the hangovers but you get my gist.

Happy Mum’s Day for next week, Mummas.  How lucky are you that you get to celebrate all that is you {even if, like me, you don’t quite know what  “you” means anymore?} 🙂

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